Temple of the Dark Moon

Ah, isnt that nice. The nice saturday morning fresh air~ Its a tad gloomy over here but what the heck, another 2 days and its back to work. I rarely read news paper these days… hardly knows what the hell is happening so i decided to read online news and i must say i’m a lil disturbed by what i have just read.

It would seem that the Shah Alam Councillors have just rejected an application for a fellow businessman to set up a fun fair. alright alright, i know fun fair is like … ancient to almost all of you but it does have its charm.. though i probably would just reminiscence the good ol’ days from afar. can still remember the mess that i found inside there… not too appealling to me at the moment. but anyways, that is not the point. the point is rejecting it. and same goes it would seem that that place doesnt have no cinema, no pubs, no night clubs, god, even klang has 2 cinemas. who the Fcuk runs that place anyways~.

And i totally love this part… or should i say loathe it. the fcuking reason for rejecting it? Its pure entertaiment and has no educational value and may bring more bad than good~. GOD~ Who the fcuk these ppl think they are!? Every bloody politicians these days are so trying to be politically correct. to direct all citizens no matter what the fcuk they doing towards something that would have an ounce of so called educational value.

What a bunch of hypocritical, self-righteous, bastards. I know what they are trying to do. Act like they are working for the ppl by being our moral police. HELLO?!? ppl fucking voted for you so that you run the fucking country~!!! If u shut down drug dens, round up child molesters, rapist or whatever it is I say good job. What the hell are they trying to do by eliminating the possibilites of bad influence??? and a fun fair no less. i really donno sometimes where ppl put their brains.

Bad influence is everywhere. If a person cant withstand it with their own freewill, there is no fucking thing anyone can do about it except to lend in a helping hand when the time comes. Forget about Pandora’s Box. Evil or rather more politically correctly speaking: Less appealing actions are determined by society and there is not fucking absolute right or wrong… just the ones u want them to be.

So ppl, try as u may to hide that which u do not want them to find, if they really want it, there is nothing u can do about it. We are humans not robots, I don care if the entertainment is educational or not as long as it is fun. and i can tell you most uneducational education is way more fun than the educational ones. if u can turn it around, i really don give a damn. but if u cant, don bother. Next thing we know, u will shutting down shopping complexes cause it has no educational value to be window shopping and meeting ppl. 

The quiet that once was,
Deep and shrouded in grey,
Light and fire touches not,
Stood in robes of red,
Veiled behind The Eye,
Seen all Heard all,
Never really seeing,
Never really hearing.

~Enimsil Liwruoy~

Five and half winters of the past,
By the Grace of Gods an Angel decends,
A being of Light and Innocence,
Unworthy for the Eyes of Mortals.

~Enimsil Liwruoy~

Hmmm… it’s been so long since i wrote anything that i can’t exactly remember what to write anymore. it seems the more you read on what you shouldn’t be posting in the net the less you dare to write for the fear that it will come back to haunt you. i wonder how much truth is there… wonder do bosses really bother finding ppl’s online profile to find out more of what that is not revealed in a resume… sounds so FBI like to me, hahahaha.

what can i say, being in bintulu is really something. seeing so much greens… well, more like low rise buildings and the sheer lack of hustle and bustle is nothing new and reminds me of my days in kerteh. ah well, was pretty prepared when i came here so i guess not too much disappointment or anything. they do say watch what you say for it can come back to you… well, never did learnt my lesson. As i have before so confidently declared that i can survive anywhere, I too this time have so confidently declared that i’ll be fine not seeing a place called KL for a long long time.

lo and behold, i was back in KL for me chinese new year shopping and for the love of god, i have no idea what the heck came over me, never in my life have i felt this way. somehow, the moment i step in the concrete jungle, i just couldn’t take my eyes of it. those shiny glass windows that reflects the evening sun, the endless stream of cars that just whizzes by, and the unending footsteps on the sidewalks. its like looking at a painting, just staring at it. Trying to get every detail in as much as possible not wanting to miss a shred of it. it was like one of the most beautiful things in the world and i have just come to realize how much i loved the sight of it.

i mean talk about weird, no one in KL will probably share my view on this… they all will probably call me crazy or nuts and i must a gree that to a certain extent maybe i am nuts for saying this picture of nightmare a masterpiece. i just couldn’t help it. it was as if i needed to breathe back life into me.

weird is not it? i too find it so perplexing that i should have even miss it so much… me who do not even go out that much anyway. but i still loved the buildings that stretch to the skies. still i marvel at ppl busy walking to their destinations; people chatting happily in the streets; the clothes that they are wearing; the design, curves, the halls, the rooms, the furnitures, the chandeliers, just the music of the existence of life! Never would i ever imagined that I would miss those sounds let alone needed to hear it all. But it was all those sight and sounds that i missed.

i think so far I have went back to klang twice i believe. the another surprise awaits me on my return to east malaysia. i didnt want to wake. i didnt want to move. i didnt have an ounce of happiness. I didnt want to live. I dont want to go back~! never thought i would be so depressed when i realized i have to return. its almost comical that all those silly thoughts actually went through my mind but went through it did. both times it was depressing. the second time was more managable but still~

sigh, here i still am in this place of Bintulu. i’m here for almost 8 months… almost a year. my goodness. i didnt even feel it went that fast. thoughts are slipping away from my mind… sleepy already. hope you guys out there are happy with your jobs! see ya next time whether or not you are in Petronas. Adios.

The dull thudding of water against stone,
Sky of grey and white out in the horizon,
The silent weeping of the gods in the heavens,
Sits a shackled soul looking but not seeing.

I wonder, if any ever questioned where this yellow cobbled path is leading. i never saw the need to question it… or perhaps never even saw the need to deviate from it. its was the path of the yellow cobbled stone, surely it would be a path that would be appropriate to follow?

perhaps it was, perhaps its because it always lead to results that are favourable that i never once questioned it… or whenever i did, i would hush those thoughts away for they are dangerous. they are dangerous to the my well being. to stray but a little is to tread into worlds unknown. no known outcomes, no known results… failure is a possibility on all roads, but failure on the yellow path is a failure that can be rectified because of experienced guardians. but failure, failure beyond this narrow yellow path … no one knows if it can be changed… no one knows if u can return.

but i wonder now, is there another path to tread than this narrow yellow road… this road that i walked blindly for so long that i do not even know why i walked it in the first place. but where should i choose to leave this yellow road of mine? where do take the detour? where do i hop of to the wilderness? would i be able to pluck up the courage to do it? will i be able to tear away all the chains that hold me? would i be able to unlock the chains in which i bind it myself so tightly?

it is daunting now that i think bout it… it must be seen from another person’s point of view how mindless i must really have been.for allthe thinking that i have done, i failed to think for myself. I curse the mindless zombies that allow others to do the thinking for them… maybe i am one of them all along… only too blind to see it myself. To make a decision to move from the norm is scary… its almost like jumping off a building and hope u suddenly sprout wings and fly. if not however, u can guess the consequences.

but all that is in the mind… there is no way to know i would fly, or fall on an awning, or someone elses balcony at the 13th floor or whatever… really… nothing to tell where you would go. but the scariest thing is to walk into the forest without a map and you cannot predict where u will go. u can quickly turn back while you can still rememeber how… but the deeper u explore… the slimmer the chances that you can ever go back.

Dire consequences for going againts the norm? or would u finally find that path in which you believe you should be walking?

ah, this is already the second month i over here… and have gotten my second month’s salary. heheheheeh. feels good to have earned money and u can spend the money that you earn though. kakaka. but with our current salary… only can spend so much… the rest sudah masuk rent la, utilities la, streamyx la, and a whole bunch of unseen expenses…sighs. luckily now shutdown got meal coupon can save on the lunch for 21 days. bwahahaha. have to put some in savings summore though. come to think of it..i think the water bill has not even arrived for almost 2 months. ahahahah.

i somehow have the feeling that everyone else is getting busier with work except me~~ … one got presentation to department la, another one doing e2 work la… another pulak stuck at the registry the whole day finding info and run around the plant for shut down… my only current job is to just walk around the plant … hHahahahaah… while everyone else are busy taking care of their own area…i just wander around… look at ppl working nia. i don really mind actually. feel nice to be able to just walk around the plant and learn bout the place at my own pace … but somehow it just feels a little empty cause i’m the only free one. hahahah. maybe a small part of me just wanna be as busy as everyone else. but guess me mental conditioning is just too powerful… take it easy, i still have at least 30 years to work…why rush?

ah yes, i never thought i would ever do this, but i did… i actually bought as story book~ kakakakaka. the magician’s guild is the title. never bother reading story books until uni though…thanks to ms colleen~. i think this is the first book in my life that i bought. never bought anything particularly related to books unless they are text books or workbooks which doesnt count since i never wanted them… i had to have them.

not a bad story i suppose. a slum girl living in a city governed by… as the title would have already gave the idea… magicians. then bla bla bla…the entire adventure of her dicovering her magical powers which supposedly only belonging to nobility. this happen to be the first book. they didnt have the second and the third. if they did would have bought them as well. no point buying one by one. i donno is it just me, but nowadays, story books love to have a few volumes after lord of the rings. hmmm….

Day of light with skies of blue,
Marching into brick halls of institution in white,
Trading news of old within the unknown,
The ringing of a bell and order holds.

Awed by the sight of beauty and grace,
A smile that numbs the mind blank,
Five winters ruled by the heart of stone,
Beats a pace faster in the presence of the angel.

The angel so high in the pedestal,
Ever cold and reserved to the ones it knows,
Never been able to notice the presence of a mortal,
My fresh heart bled blood of silent pain.

The stage of actors and clowns in play,
At long last, the pedestal is reached,
The angel smiling in warm welcome,
Mortal and angel finally sat on the same bench.

The morning mist on the mortal ground,
Sat the lone angel amongst unknowns,
The angel has decended from the pedestal,
For a purpose I can only guess.

In that inkling of a moment,
Held back by fear and doubt,
I had forever lost that angel,
If only I can turn back time.

~Enimsil Liwruoy~
-I have not forgotten, I do not know if I ever will-

and here i am, sitting in the hotel lobby… typing me blog for i have nothing better to do. let me see… me arrived in good’ol bintulu on the first of september 2007. like i said, excited at the prospect of experiencing new stuff…. and also very sad for leaving behind what could be my best years for experiencing stuff~ kikiki. and good’ol thana has to rub it in summore… hmph! >_< .. me no likey u no more…blueh >P.

all is well in trying to make it on my own. but i must say i am missing the company that i cannot have for a long long time. i use to like being alone and while the day away by meself… thinking and reflecting on me life. but i must say i am getting bored…real bored over here. i am stuck in me room for like the entire day with absolutely nothing to do cept for national geographic television. ventured out to look at the town but kinda like finished it in one swoop cause din dare to go too far and really there is nothing to see. at night cant go out summore cause supposedly not safe…hmm… what else can i do…

since i am here on saturday, i got the entire day on sunday to spend on house hunting and thats what i did. madam mary ling, which i called on sunday morning round 9 am was so groggly that u can literally hear the fuzziness in her voice. but anyhoo, when i asked for mary lim (yes, lim… chen’s hp put lim) she frustratingly answered that there is no such person and that i got the wrong number and slammed the phone… or more like cut off the line. but i am already imagining the slamming of the cord phone with a look of pain… partly guilty for calling a person at an ungodly hour on a sunday morning and getting the wrong number on top of that. turns out i did call the right number just that perhaps she was so sleepy her brains just assumes its a wrong number to get on with the sleeping. hahahaha.

so anyhoo, called her 2 hours later and viola, she is loud and clear and as ready as ever to tackle another fussy house hunter. happily offering to give me a ride to the potential houses that i wanna rent. she was then going on about how it is nearly impossible to find house now; or that how bloody lucky i was cause some tenants JUST moved out yesterday and that the house is free now! how convenient. i just smiled me smile and nodded when she kept saying how blessed i must be to be so lucky and that i shouldnt be too picky cause alot of ppl are looking for house and if i picky then poof~!! the house will be taken. slightly alarmed by the POOF effect, i was in an overdrive to find the best homes and home in on them before anyone does.

after the first house of 5 rooms and 1960’s design tiles, the second one was looking pretty fine and nice… tiled floors…shiny man…nearly all furnished…and a washing machine no less~!! me consulted my future house mate ah loy and we decided to just take it lest the POOF effect was real and not just a promotional gimmick. ah ongie seems happy with the fact that everything was done before ongie moves in. so i guess all is well. and if anyone of u either by the grace of god or the curse of ur enemies happen to land in bintulu like us, fear not; for everything has been taken care of and u just have to chip in on the 700 bucks rent. will be looking forward to that. ^_~*

the unfortunate part however is that i have to pay the 700 bucks rent myself for the first month cause loy will only come on the 17th and since he will be staying in the hotel for a week… it would be the end of september before he moves in. and i will be moving in by thurs. me all alone in the big old house at the corner…hopefully my imagination doesnt go overdrive. and oh yeah roy if u are reading this… pls pls pls bring all the anime dvds. thank you very much. hehehehe.

am missing u guys for being so far away… i guess u never felt the miss when u are still on the same stretch of land.

-Enimsil Liwruoy-

Currently residing in The Regency, Bintulu, Sarawak

             There and Not Yet Back Again

                                by

                       Enimsil Liwruoy

Its a cloudy saturday morning of the first of September. looks like its about to rain though… and on me happy day no less~!! well, happy is probably and overstatement… yup… this is D-Day. In mere .. hmm..lets see… one .. two… two and half hours more and i shall embark to flight ak 5272 and head to bintulu for the next 3 years of me life… lemme hope that is the maximum. hehehehe.

this is the ranting of a neurotic person… always complaining… always looking at the darker side of life. I must say there is always some anxiety regarding leaving home for somewhere else… nevertheless, it is somewhat exciting. afterall, its like u are leaving the comfort of the FaMa Corporation and try to make it out on your own after like what… 23 years? i know i know.. maybe for u guys or some ppl out there, u will be like ‘23 years? u spoilt brat’… but anyhoo, thats my life..hahaha.. i guess i am spoilt for that reason.

i am rather glad that i am going far away from home though. for one thing, there is no need to return home and kinda feel like man, i am here again in this controlled environment. i guess i am a little fed up trying to always follow hourse rules… maybe… just maybe there is a little rebellious me that has never came out during my teenage years has finally has its cage opened and is now dying to taste what is it like to live outside the bounds and rules of home. maybe there is this thrill that this naive self thinks exist in trying to make it out on your own… totally not dependant on FaMa ever again. but i guess for now its still impossible since i just used another thousand for buying clothes and stuff… and not to mention enlisting their help to ship and manage me stuff that i cant bring over there now. ah well, maybe independence is not an over night thing~.

and therefore, here i am; at the brink of a new future, new beginning… a future that only I can carve… that only I can decide.

man, sounds really corny huh? Kakakakaka…

am gonna miss all ya bozos that I have been hanging out for five years… of course minus roy and ong cause i probably will see them for the rest of my life…ahhaha…so can still take for granted..eheheh.

Good luck and Good job hunting everyone~!!!